We Are Meant To Be
by harryrawr
Summary: They were best friends of the closest kind. They were brothers. But most thought otherwise. Most were correct too. Did they know what would happen? Not entirely. But it felt like fate. It was meant to be. Jacob/Seth. Slash. Rated M for future mature scenes.
1. Prologue

**AUTHOR'S NOTE! **Hey guys! I am finally ready to begin presenting you the new and improved 'We Are Meant To Be'!

I must say it's been four years of dreadful writing originally, but now I have gotten my act together and voila! I have rewritten it and it is most certain to impress! I think... awkward... Anyway! For those of you who read the old story I hope you enjoy this new one! It has been edited lots by myself so please excuse any grammatical or spelling issues for the moment. To be honest I think I will stick to not using a beta for the time being.

I am so stupid, but I am afraid I deleted the old story! I forgot I could just delete the chapters and just upload new ones! I am so sad, I have lost all my followers and my stats I think I might just kill myself... kidding! I need to finish the story! hahaha!

The plot if you remember the old story is so much different to the new one. I have completely rethought the structure of the story and now Seth is actually somewhat different! Seth and Jacob's relationship are also different at the beginning so don't fret if you don't see any sexy action! It'll come, just be patient haha! If you also remember, there were some extremely childish writing I had, but I promise you I have removed it completely. I didn't want to change my own personal way of writing though so I have jazzed up things and edited out or changed my compulsive use of product placement, cheesy lines, etc.

I don't know I am just a little flustered with all this at the moment! Haha! I hope most of you come to read this new story as what it is. Its completely new so if you could kindly forget the previous one, that'd be great! I want fresh new ideas, opinions, everything new and fresh and hip and cool! Haha!

Please read and review, and definitely follow! If you read the previous story please I beg of you, PLEASE PM ME! So I can just have a chat with you on what you think of this new story! I will upload chapter 1 right after as a treat with this Prologue, and then I'll upload a new chapter within 7 days. It's a hard act to keep up, but I am sure all you people will definitely punch me if I don't haha! Please enjoy this short prologue! I know it's nothing to go on, but I will upload Chapter 1 right after! - Harry xox

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**PROLOGUE**

We were always closer, closer than 'best friends'. Everyone joked, teased but never looked beyond their preconceptions and ideas of what we had. Were we lovers? I didn't think so, I never thought of him like that. I don't think I could afford to think about him like that. Who would risk losing their best friend? I wouldn't. Jake always asked me if we were something more. I told him I didn't think so, or at least I didn't believe it was much more than what I saw. Did I think that by dating him I'd lose him? No. I just didn't think of him like that. Jacob is my closest friend. We've been tied to the hip since we were children. We know each other's secrets, and each other's tastes. He was the brother I never had. Why would we take it any further? It seemed, I asked the life-altering question too soon.


	2. Chapter 1

**AUTHOR'S NOTE: **So as promised! Here is Chapter 1! I really hope you enjoyed the Prologue, and hopefully you thought of good things! Haha! This really begins the full story, and if you read the previous story, I hope you can notice the differences between the old Seth and the new Seth! Please, do review and subscribe or whatever it is called! I hope you enjoy it as much as I felt having rewritten it haha! (I was pretty ecstatic let me tell you!) If you did read the old story and reviewed or subscribed or just read it PM me I would love to talk to you!

I used to do Disclaimers in my old story for each chapter, but I hereby state this disclaimer for the whole story (so I don't have to do it again and again). I do not own the Twilight Saga written by Stephanie Meyer. All characters and locations are used for fictional story-telling. All rules are hereby followed, and if a breach if found, the story will be amended or taken down. I then state that all of the Twilight Saga related items are owned by Stephanie Meyer, and everything else written not involving it are owned by me.

Enjoy! xo

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**CHAPTER 1**

Summer break always had its ups and downs. School was out, everyone threw a party at some stage, and I had all my friends to spend time with. But all the extra time meant I had to get a job at least in-between patrols, which thankfully have lessened since the fight. The limited jobs available for a young unskilled guy like me weren't the best. Especially when most of the owners of the businesses in town are close to you, so they see it as an opportunity for child slavery. Money would be a great help though, at least putting off some of the load off Mom's shoulders. Leah has fucked off to somewhere, earning her 'honest dollars' in Port Angeles. She'd always come back late, earning herself a strong lecture from Mom, and she would almost always be upset later when she'd realise that Mom would never understand. It's not like she was selling herself out, but Mom thought otherwise. She never believed Leah, even when she proudly told us she has a job at a 'Cafe'. It helped her move on and become independent nonetheless. I guess it didn't matter to her that Leah would come in my room and cry. She never cried before, but she did now more than ever. Between college, her job, Sam, the wedding, life just never seemed to give her any breaks. I was never a feeler, more a listener, and it hurt a lot to be a silent witness. Leah didn't crack slowly like they always say in the movies and the books. She held strong in front of everyone, and then shattered all over the hard floor. It hurt so much to watch, I'd cry with her. I hated to watch those tears run, like as if they were on fire. For a while I thought I'd lose her, like as if each tear took a piece of her soul, but as always Leah would surprise me every morning. A mirror that shatters, but puts itself back together to show how beautiful everyone else is. It didn't help that the boys were not lenient on her behaviour either.

Dad would be so proud, no matter what she tells herself, no matter what Mom would say. I'd tell her that. I still do.

I've been to scared to speak up. Tell Mom that what she is doing is tearing what little family we have left apart. Everyone seems to think everything is just perfect. Like not a single blemish had stained our family. 'Oh the Clearwaters, they're just so strong aren't they? Look at Leah, such a strong girl. And Seth, always so positive, never has a bad thing to say about anything and takes everything negative within his stride'. Nobody knows that we are all broken. Maybe they do, but are ignorant. Just like Mom. She is obviously trying to recover, recover from Dad…. by pushing herself and getting right into the wedding. A wedding that isn't even her's to organise. Emily was just being kind, to try get her out of the house. I don't think she understood, 'Only if you are up to it', when she clearly wasn't. She's been kind enough, however, not to involve Leah and I in it. It just hurts to feel like we are her relatives, not her children.

2 days, and already I am hurting inside. The first weekend of Summer break, and yet here I am struggling to find a way to survive through it. School was a good place to hide. It is a haven compared to what I have to face. The brown, two storey bungalow I call home, isn't home at all. Sometimes I wonder if it would be different if Dad was still alive. It doesn't seem right that everything that had been built up so well is just, in shambles. Is it home when you can't find security and safety within it? Probably not. I don't feel like it is safe, to even talk about how I feel about life, about Dad to Mom or Leah in this house. And Mom isn't the same. She is just, not what I expected her to be, or become. She is jaded, against our wishes on occasion. She finds happiness in the home, or homes of other men. Yet, she'll be at her bakery at 6 in the morning till 6 in the afternoon without any trace of her adventures, ignoring her duties and responsibilities at home. During the last few weeks of school, Leah had to make breakfast because Mom wasn't home till dinner and then like clockwork Mom will be gone immediately after. Even when she was out with one man, the landline still would get calls from her other 'suitors' to vie for her attention. When she is home, she is despondent, and ignorant to everything around her. She'll clean, and ignore us. She cleans the house too often, as if she can wash away the stains in our family. Mom has also started to smoke again, even though she hated it. Booze wasn't too much of an issue, but if she wasn't talking on her phone a cigarette will find it's way on her fingers.

Yet after all this, there will be that one seldom night she breaks. Just like Leah. Shattered all over the floor. Leah wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole, so naturally I would have to. It wasn't pretty. To see your Mom break down because she was doing what she felt she had to do in order to move on was hard. Especially when she knew that it was completely the wrong thing to do. She'd often ask me, 'What did I do wrong?' to which I wouldn't have an answer. In truth, I think we all asked the same question at least once a day ever since Dad passed away.

Dad would be so proud of her though. I'd tell her that too.

I didn't think I would have trouble sleeping sometimes. I wonder if my body will run out of adrenaline from the lack of sleep. Of course, the wolf helps. Not everyone can go with 2 hours of sleep and have not a single blemish on their face. The boys just sleep in class not every worrying that their education is the most important thing in their life. I obviously help them, because 'Seth never lets a brother down'. They come to me often, just like Leah will. Just like Mom will. They come to me, to tell me their problems. But unlike Leah and Mom, I'd never know what to tell them. I am in the right position to though, well for some of them. I could tell them that what they do is stupid or vulgar. But do I? No. Who am I too judge? Oh wait, just some 'brother' who will always agree with them and never let them hear what they don't want to hear. Why would I tell them what they don't want to hear anyway, I am 'Seth, always kind and can never say any bad about anything'.

Leah says I spread myself too thin. That I need to think of myself more. It's not like I couldn't do that already. I just don't, try to help myself. Is it ok to beat yourself up if you enjoy it? I don't think so. What benefit does someone get if they spread themselves too thin, always trying to help others? Gratitude? Love? Respect? I don't know. But what I do know if I feel like it will all break if I don't. This family, the boys, they are all I have. Is it wrong to want to help keep everything together? Maybe I am too kind for my own good. I killed a fly once, doesn't that make me a normal person? I don't know anymore.

In the real world, it just seems so easy to lose what you have. I feel like I am fighting a unknown force, that threats to ruin my life to an extent much worse than it already is. I feel so helpless, drowned in all the pressure I don't need. It gets hard to breathe, hard to think. No one would understand! There is a dark cloud shrouding me, and I feel like I cannot do anything about it.

That's why I spread myself thin. Other people would see it as a desperate cry for attention. 'They don't matter' I'd tell myself way too may times than I should. Instead, I seem to forget to tell myself that, after all this, Dad would be proud of me too.

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Sunday Night Bonfire. To mark new beginnings. Sam and Emily, Summer Break, amongst many others. Jake told me yesterday that he'd take me there. Leah didn't like going, and Mom would be there early to help set up. To any normal person, this is looks like it will become a great night. The sun has made an appearance today promising dry weather, and most of my friends are going to the Bonfire. But I am not normal. It has been a very long time since I last woke up, and stayed in bed longer than I should. I have spent hours, just lying in bed thinking about absolutely nothing. There is a restrained peacefulness about quiet mornings where the sun peeks through the windows and the curtains tussle in the draft. The bed, warm, and the blanket holding me in comfort. The cool touch of my pillow, and the damp air filling my nose. The sound of nothing, but just peace. Even though it's just in my room, it's such a beautiful moment that I wish I could capture and relish in.

Of course, no one else seems to understand.

My reverie of absolute peace, is harshly broken to my dismay, by Jacob and Quil who both do not seem to understand the gesture of knocking on one's door. Or silently, let alone respectfully, entering one's home. Both quickly and loudly burst through my bedroom door into the room and land on my bed. They never remember do they? Who would be so rambunctious and ridiculous enough to invade my room at a ungodly hour, and even fathom trying to wake me up?

_Gosh, you speak with such fervour and gusto. God I hope these faithful readers will comprehend your jargon Seth!_

I let out a loud groan, to express my displeasure, and slowly lean up against my headboard quietly glaring at the two intruders. Quil looks up with his usual smug look, trying to act innocent. Jacob on the other hand, knows what he has done as he has done so many times before, and looks up cheekily giving me a wink. The fucker. I have half a mind to kick the idiot off my bed. Just, I may not have the strength or agility to do so. _Damn him for being so large!_

"Hey Seth"

"You are jerks. I hate you both. Why did mom even let you in? Or wait, let me guess, like, you snuck in as you both normally would."

"Bingo" Quil then proceeds to roll over and laugh to his heart's content.

"Sorry Seth-y! It's always so fun to watch you get so riled up!" Of course it is. Why couldn't they bully Brady, or Collin? Why not them? I mean, I know they are my best friends but still! They were smaller than me both human and wolf, and yet I am the one to get picked on. I guess it's not as fun to bully Collin, because he bows down to these idiots. And Brady would just lash out, just like Paul would. _That's why they get along so well_.

"… c'mon Seth! You know we love you! You're our favourite" Of course I am.

"I didn't know it mattered."

"Look it's almost eleven, we came over to drag you outta bed and get some grub! You're lucky we even thought of you." I'm not hungry Jake.

"Get out of my room."

"We are not leaving until you say yes."

"Get out of my house."

"C'mon Seth!"

"You paying?"

"Yeah, sure we got you!"

"Uhhh, give me 20 minutes."

Thankfully, they conform to my single demand. Both got off of me, not before trying to jump back on me though sadly. I know they mean well, but can't they let a boy stay quietly in his room within his own musings. "Hurry up Seth!" Uhh, apparently not. I looked down at my blanket as it folded in such a way that beckoned me to forget them and stay. I almost felt it singing to me, calling me to pull it over my body and just relax again. It was at this point in time that I realised I was crazy, and that I needed to leave the house. So the blanket a.k.a nightingale got ripped off my body, allowing me to head to the bathroom. As I got into the bath, I locked the door as it had been known for Jake to barge in uninvited, and as I leaned on the door I kept my eyes peeled onto the ground. Avoiding the reality reflecting off the shiny silver metal, I fumble myself into the shower and begin to clean up. It didn't take long, but by the time I was back in my room picking out my outfit, the boys were back ready to hurry me. The underwear that I had chosen barely made it onto my body just as Quil peeked through my bedroom door. He then apologised, and then proceeded to bang his head on the doorframe as he quickly removed himself from sight. Idiot.

Mysteriously Jacob's 'Rabbit' as he liked to call it was currently 'being fixed', so it wasn't to my surprise that he had snatched to keys to my car and was already comfortably seated in the driver's seat. Prick. "As much as I like being driven around, my mom and I had spend quite of bit of money on the car in the chance that, I don't know, I needed to drive somewhere. Not let other people drive me around in it Jacob." He groaned and then punched and wrestled Quil, whom was teasingly laughing at him. While they were battling on the ground I grabbed the keys off of Jake, and then entered my car, readjusting the seat for the umpteenth time since I bought it.

_So what if it was fancy. I like it and all, but you have your own car._

Jake and Quil stopped wrestling as they both perked up at the sound of the engine running. Of course, if he didn't get the driver's seat, he would go for the passenger seat. Quil, not really interested in the motor vehicle I had chosen for my sixteenth birthday, had made him self comfortable in the back. He, like everyone else, would ignore Jake's fascination about every detail in every car, not just mine. Except for, when it was mine, his grubby little pointers could not stop fiddling with every single thing on the car's centre fascia. Today wouldn't be the first time I would stop to kick him out.

The drive to Ronald's wasn't long, as the diner was only a mile or two away in the centre of La Push. Despite being a short trip, Jacob had managed to fiddle with the car, and therefore added to my already disgruntled attitude. God he was insufferable. Ronald, as usual, was as loud and lively as ever always ready to serve the 'big boys' as he liked to call us. Well, Jake and Quil, not me. As usual, the two decide on ordering the whole restaurant, while I settle for a small, hearty meal. It unnerved them to know that I still maintained my human appetite, while they ate like pigs. It unnerved me that they never learnt table manners. Both kept a loud conversation, not ever caring to shut their mouths while they were chewing, clearly enjoying their sustenance a little too much. Topics went from the Bonfire, to Emily, to School, to girls, etcetera… "Seth have you laid any hot chicks lately?" Why were boys always so eager to find out about one's conquests. I mean I am a boy, but I have manners and etiquette unlike these idiots.

"No."

"Aww c'mon Seth, don't be scared to share!" Quil needed a broader vocabulary.

"I am only a sophomore dude!" They seemed shocked.

"You're kidding me right..!?"

"When I was…" Here we go. "… I knew I was destined to slay pussy left right and centre!" Not up or down? No?

"Yeah Seth! Quil's right! I started smashing into chicks…" Smashing? Really? Ew. "… since I was in middle-school!" Wait for it.

"Yeah, until Bella cut off your dick!" Waiter? Some popcorn please.

"Fuck you! You wouldn't know anything! You tried to hook up with your cousin you little hoe!" Oh I remember Claire, she was nice.

"I'm not related to her douchebag!" Well… "Besides, Ellie said you didn't even know where to put it!" Ellie Foreman? Jesus, I thought she went to church.

"At least she was screaming my name…" I hope consensually "…and not begging to stop!" Oh thank god it was.

"Amanda came back more than once!" Did she now? I thought she was dating Liam? "Unlike Liz, who I quote" here come the hand signals "'could not stop laughing at Jacob screaming his own name!" Maybe I should stop this.

"You fucking asshole!" Anyone in favour of yes? No one? Ok I guess not then.

"At least I know where it is!" Hmm, they said they would pay, I might as well leave them to it.

"Fuck you!" Oops, here comes the fists.

Deciding that I had enough of their bickering, I left without a care in the world. Ronald would most definitely kick them out, but who cares? They stole me from bed so their loss. The car unlocked, and I got in quickly. I drove away, not worrying at all that they may injure or severely maim each other. They were big boys after all. I'll let them settle over it. I plugged in my phone, played my tunes, opened the windows and let the wind tussle my hair. It was funny how things spiralled up and down so quickly. Did I feel bad? No… kind of?

_Ok Seth, you're officially a rebel._

The boys can get a little too rowdy. It wasn't often that I'd leave them, because I'd somehow be indirectly chosen to pick everyone back up and resolve any of the shit. Everyone else would either just join in on the fight. Toxic air does that to people. It corrupts them, filling their heads with thoughts they shouldn't have. Granted, I don't like it when I leave. The air can get to me just as easily as to anyone else. But it hurt to 'breath it', as It reminded me too much of the fights Mom and Leah would have at home. They would never stop, always looking for another thing to continue to shout about rather than to resolve things. It wasn't healthy, but I couldn't do anything about it. As soon as I would insert myself into the argument to placate both of them, they would just argue around me, and in most cases more vigorously as well. It was kind of scary, realising that the boys where almost like Mom and Leah. Never really trying to resolve things, only searching for more wood to burn. Wasn't there anyone else but me trying to douse the flames? It felt like I was only one.

I was starting to crack. Seth Clearwater, the shiniest mirror of all. The knowledge of being the only one trying to stop the wildfire, set stones on my shoulders. I felt a responsibility that I am not capable of facing alone weighing me down. My eyes began to water, as I continued to drive on the forest road. The wind pushing my tears through the sides of my face, leaving a wet trail of despair. It just seemed so unfair! I have to go and live in a place I don't like to call home, and now I have to face my friends fighting each other too! Everything bad always seems to revolve around me, why? It's like a dark shroud that looms over my body that pollutes and corrupts everyone else's lives! Nobody deserves to be suffocated by the toxic air I create! Why is it around me?! It felt as if the air was crawling along my skin, leaving goosebumps. My whole body shook, as if to scrub off the spell. What did I do that was so bad to deserve any of this? My head started to hurt a lot, my eyes struggled to stay open as I drove.

But it's not just me! What did Leah, or even Mom do to deserve any of this?! Everyone else has perfect little lives, and it only got better for them as ours descended treacherously. Did we curse our existence in some sort of way? Did the ancestors find our family and commitment to them not good enough? _Seth you're doing 60 in a 30 zone_. Who cares! Clearly everyone else doesn't! Why don't we ever get a break? Where's the downhill? Why are we still trying to find the summit?! When am I allowed to stop worrying about everything in my life? It's just all so fragile. I can't afford to lose it all. I just can't. This glass world I live in, cannot be ruined by this toxic air. _Mike's up ahead Seth, 67 and rising_. I cannot, I refuse to corrode the glass anymore. it just seemed so easy as I came closer and closer. The world, this place it wouldn't need me. I never got a break, or rewarded for being such a good friend, such a good brother, such a good son. But it was okay. If it sucked the negativity, the bad air out of this world, it would become a better place for everyone to live in. 'Seth Clearwater always cares about others', but never myself. I understood now. This was meant to be. _It's better this way._

_Time to close the curtains._


	3. Chapter 2

**AUTHOR'S NOTE:** Hey guys! I am back to update one day early haha...ha! So anyways, I have some qualms about the new story and for a while I thought I had failed myself, but I remembered that I am writing a new story not updating an old one so I figured I would get some negativity anyways! If you did read the old story and reviewed or subscribed or just read it please send me a message, I would love to talk to you!

I would just like to say that no I have not killed off Seth, but I have used that scene as a construct for Seth to learn on and become better. I think it becomes easier to understand as you read on. I am sorry if I shocked or scared any of you! Please enjoy this new update! Review, Subscribe, PM, whatever! haha! - Harry xox

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**CHAPTER 2**

Why do they always say when you are about to die that you will see your life flash before your eyes? It's bullshit. The notion that your brain would go into such a shock were it just plays the what if's and hows in rapid fire, as if to say 'Look at what we're missing out on', it seems stupid. What is even the point? I mean, it's ridiculous to show yourself the what if's when you are completely helpless to stop yourself from dying. It just pisses me off! What if you intended on dying? What if you wanted to die with ease and inner peace? No, your brain just has to fuck it up doesn't it? I feel pity for all those people that have brains which turn on them as they move onto another place. My brain, however, was more lenient. All I saw was a red flash, and blackness.

_Partly because you didn't die Seth. FUCK!_

Do you know the feeling when you've had too much to drink the night before and you experience a hang over that should really be called a brain supernova? I don't. The wolf inside won't let me. But what I was feeling now surely felt like how it would. Sore all over, and stupid with a painful headache. Then the nausea hit me, as if I was being pulled back to reality from, wherever I was. _You passed out._ I felt a certain dismay, to the fact that I was still living. It didn't feel like a second chance. More like, 'Seth you're an idiot why would you do that? Get over yourself, and help out with the dishes' sort of feeling. Did I just have my first panic attack? Or probably more accurately, anxiety attack?

_My head still hurts._

My eyelids protested furiously to open even a little. Something so menial was so hard to do. _I guess that's what happens when you crash your car._ I felt so locked into place. It was terrifying, feeling so paralysed. My whole body, completely in shock. Definitely not something I would recommend. I was certain I must of sustained some sort of injury. I did slam into a brick wall. At least, I think I did. Imagine what everyone would think of me? The thought makes me wish I was certainly dead. I wouldn't even want to hear the words of distraught, anger, or confusion coming from anyone. 'Oh Seth, how could you do this?' Easily. What I certainly don't want to see is not the pity, it's a long time coming if someone actually pitied me, but the bewilderment. The air of confusion found in questioning eyes. 'Seth is a good boy, nothing could ever harm him. He is just too nice. Ra ra ra….'. Bullshit like that will most definitely piss me off.

After what seemed like ages, my eyelids obey to my demands and finally open. My eyes shook involuntarily, obviously to mitigate the affect of being blinded by any source of light. It was all blurry, but it was dark for sure. There were a lot of small lights, some blue some red, and a larger white light. Shit! I must be in a hospital! If they get any tests done on my blood or anything from me, we are sure to be screwed. FUCK! How could I be so selfish?! Here I am, anxiety attack and all, and now I have threatened the existence of my family and close friends. I need to get out of here.

It seemed at that moment my body agreed too. All my senses where slowly coming back, and motor movements were possible even in my still-shocked state. Ready to leave, I move to lean up, when suddenly I am attacked by another wave of nausea.

_What is wrong with me?_

It felt like vertigo this time, my body confused with it's own disposition. This was even more frustrating. My brain was jumping and sprinting, trying to come up with conclusions as to why I am sitting upright, held back by a flat rope. Did the Newton's decide to take me and question as to why there was a small luxury sedan in the middle of their shop? What's with the lights then? Was I being held hostage in some odd lab or something? Because if I was, they had someone coming. My wolf immediately perked up at the suggestion, ready to come out and fight.

_Fight? What if they have a gun?_

Shit. I can't just out myself and then get shot! Uhh what is with me today?! Too many irrational decisions! Too many stupid ideas! I need to calm down. Taking deep breaths, I count in my head slowly to let my body recuperate and get its bearings. Slowly, my senses come back to me. I can hear music, but it's quiet. Dry saliva overwhelms my taste buds. My nose, smells something familiar, like new leather almost, but I can't put my finger on it. My eyes, they're still adjusting to the low light. It must be night time, or it's just dark in this place.

_Seth I think you've been here before._

My hands start roaming around the chair they, I am assuming, have tied me to. For kidnappers, they weren't of the CIA grade. My hands were untied, and my arms could move freely, as with my legs. Were they the pacifist kind? My hand came across soft, leather material of the kind you'd find on the nice furniture at Bed, Bath and Beyond. I felt around some more, and found that there was bolstering as well. _Did they really put in me in some kind of Lazboy? _It wasn't wide, but it was… comfortable. My hands roamed towards the rope they had used. It was firm to the touch, but felt somewhat bendy. It had a strength factor to it as well, as I struggled to stretch the rope. It only crossed my torso at my waist, then across my chest. Was this some kind of new age straitjacket? It felt all too familiar at the same time though. I couldn't put my finger on it, but it felt like as if I had been here before. The music too, it had the same tempo and melody to the songs on my iPod. The smell flawed me the most though because it definitely smelt like the odor of a new car.

_Gosh Seth, you are such an idiot._ It was at this point my eyes decided it was time to reveal my new dungeon. It all looked familiar not only because I was recently here, but because I never left. Sometimes I question my ability to get straight A's, as clearly I will never become a crime investigator. I mean really, I could not believe that it took me this long to recognise this place. Truth be told, I have only been in here a month or so, but still! I certainly love this place, almost to the point of sleeping in it. Jeez, I need to get my act together. I was still in my car!

_But, it looks perfectly fine!_

How can that be? I must of at least damaged the windows, or the front fender and bumper, or the engine, SOMETHING AT LEAST C'MON! My car is definitely not indestructible! I was doing at least 70 miles an hour! _Maybe it's a Transformer._ My brain started to give out again, in the overload of new questions. But all were answered as I looked out the previously opened-now closed window. No police, no ambulances, or fire department for that matter. Just Georgia's mom and herself exiting Mike's Sporting Goods and Wear, walking towards their car like as if nothing was going on. HOW CAN THE SHOP STILL BE OPEN I CRASHED INTO IT DIDN'T I?I felt even more stupid for asking the question, once I realised I was stopped around 10 centimetres give or take, from the shop's left wall. This plus the fact that I had managed to stop right into a parking bay, added to my already ego-hurt, infuriated soul. Why? Why was I stopped? Did I give in at the last minute and hit the brakes? Did I hit some rough patch of grass? Was there some random gust of air, or force that slowed me?

It seemed I had even more questions that needed to be answered.

But as always with me, the answer is quite simply nothing of note. Which would usually end up infuriating me even more. Looking inside my car with anger, and confusion, my eyes strained to search for an answer. I found it of course, in the most obvious place normal people would look. _You are still an idiot. _My eyes trained onto the multifunction display, and then closed immediately. I lowered my head, in acknowledgement and shame. How can you forget something you wished so hard for that you fought for it? Easy, have an anxiety attack.

_You idiot. You begged mom to let you have the optional extra and yet you forgot all about it._

I remember the day quite clearly. We went in to Seattle to have a look at the car I was currently sat in. Mom and I had quite a bit of money saved up, and Leah wasn't even jealous. She wanted me to have the car, always telling me I deserved it after everything that happened. Leah used to have the rust bucket we owned, but it passed its days, and now she uses Mom's car. Partly because Mom seems to find her own ride to everywhere she needs to go, so it really it became a win win for her and me. She'd drive mom's fancy car, and I wouldn't have to feel guilty. It was at this very place, where Mom got her car too. Repeat sales, she'd always tell me. Something about a discount for coming back. So we did. I originally thought myself that I was going to get a rust bucket just like Leah, Jacob, Quil, and pretty much everyone else on the Rez. But when we turned up at the clean, modern, and minimalist showroom I jumped for joy, literally. I couldn't believe it that I had punched Leah, to which she punched back. After going through all the details, I got really into it. Looking the model up on the internet. Looking at reviews on YouTube. Finding out about things that amazed me. It seemed that the car could do magic tricks. _Magic tricks that could save my life._ That's when I found out about it's ridiculously awesome, but creepy, pre-emptive safety features. Like I said, it was optional, but I convinced Mom it was worth it. She understood thankfully. I mean, every parent would if they knew the car had a higher than average potential to save their child's life.

And I guess, the car did just that.

I cursed my eagerness to have the feature. It's the reason why I am parked outside Mike's, rather than crashed inside the place. _Damn you stupid modern advancements in technology, just ruining things._ It was like as if I couldn't escape the clutches of Life. I always believed everyone had a purpose, no matter big or small, in their life to accomplish. It'd give such fulfilment to complete it, death seemed like the next step. I knew that in this instance, I had failed myself. I hadn't even begun to fathom what my life's purpose was, yet I had already tried quit. 'Oh the Clearwaters, they never quit!' Dad would be so ashamed. _Why do I tell myself something like that now? _The thought polluted my mind, and gave me a cold chill. The air suddenly became toxic. It became harder to breathe, and the lights started to blur again. In a second I had unlatched the seatbelt and exited the car. _Jeez, anxiety hits you hard._ I was glad no one saw me run around in a circle then collapse on the ground, facing the night sky. Gosh that would've been so embarrassing. After a while my eyes slowly cleared, and I had gotten back my full vision. Nothing but bright dots filled the sky.

_The stars were always so beautiful._

A calm air flowed over me, loosening my tense body. I started taking deep breaths, inhaling till it hurt and exhaling all the bad air inside me. Once relaxed, I turned my head and looked back towards my car. Could I even drive it anymore, without thinking about what I had just done? Dad always used to say everything you fear, love, cherish, and hate in life leads you on your path. Your own way to your purpose. Was this a step that I had faced? The consequences of it, reminding me not to do it ever again? _Funny how something negative can be turned into something positive._ The car, interestingly, now served a purpose in my life. Practically of course, but metaphorically. It was obvious I would never forget what happened as I often drive. _Anxiety is a bitch. _I certainly do not look forward to explaining all this.

_Shit! What time is it?_

I pulled out my phone to check the time. Ten hours had past, and yet no one had come to find me. Did I suddenly become invisible? It was certainly better than being constantly watched over. Sometimes it did worry me that everyone felt that they had to baby me. It shocked me to find out that Collin was treated more like a 'bro' because he played varsity, and that Brady was ignored because he was Paul's little disciple even though he despises being called that. What made me so look so vulnerable? I am just as tough as Collin or Brady. It's impossible to think that I am still weak, like before I phased, when I have become a huge wolf that can kill and maim vampires and other animals. Surely by now it has gotten through to them that I can hold my own. Judging by the fact that they had not looked for me in ten hours, I had guessed it finally had rung through their heads. They, or just Jacob, probably thought I went to clear some air, which I did. _Jacob always understood when I needed my own space._

My car door was left open, from when I burst out, as if telling me that it was time to go. _Why do the little things in life have a symbolic meaning? Dramatic exaggeration._ My knees shook as I climbed back onto my two feet. I had been sitting for a while, so a good stretch was in order. I was fortunately still taking deep breaths, to ease back my strained composure. All my muscles, slowly felt less tired and weighed down. And my brain was pleased at the resolved conflict. Unfortunately there were people still in Mike's, and I did not want to be caught looking like a freak. I looked around to ascertain how many people would of caught me, but it was hard because the outside lighting from Mike's wasn't really lighting up anything at all. It was just there, almost to act as just s beacon in the dark to guide people from their cars to the store. My eyes were pleased however, that the bright beam from my car's headlights had reflected off the orange brick wall and lit up the other half of the parking lot. I assumed that nobody had seen my little chaos trip, and relaxed myself by taking more deep breaths. My music was still playing through the stereo, but at a hushed level. It seemed really cliched, but it set the mood comfortably. Finally, after cleansing my body of it's prior disorientation, I quickly decided to go home rather than awkwardly stand in the middle of the lot, especially late at night. I walked to back to my car, sat in it, and closed the door. I took another deep breath, before setting off. The music livened up again as I reversed and made my way out of Mike's.

* * *

The road home was quiet, as usual. It never got busy, partly because of the lack of people in La Push. As I drove past Jake's, I saw light peering out of his shed. _He must be working on his stuff. _I never busy him when he is working. Partly because he would always ignore me, and forget what I said. It hurt my heart that he couldn't spare time even for his friends. I kept driving as it was not really what I should be dealing with right now, particularly in my anxiety-struck attitude. There wasn't much that really mattered to him anyway. His car, his bike, and Bella, which he also owned in his head as well. The thought spurred me to get on home quicker, closer to my bed. As I got home I saw that the drive-way, which really was just a dirt path to my house, was occupied by Mom's car which meant Leah wasn't working tonight. It was ten, so I'd imagine she wouldn't be leaving any time soon either. As I past the threshold of the front door, I was immediately attacked by Leah's arms. They crushed me, as if to squeeze the answers she was looking for out of me. It was all a flurry of 'Where have you been?', 'What did you think you were doing?', and 'What did you do anyway Seth?'. I wasn't far. I don't know. Nothing.

_Never more than 3 syllables Seth?_

I couldn't argue my way into my own room. Leah dragged me to her's, where she proceeded to shout her concerns to me. She held me in her arms on her bed, caressing my head like I was hurt. In that very moment my own personal mirror, that shined the brightest of all the Clearwaters, that made everyone else feel the prettiest, well it broke. All the pent up emotions, tears, sobs, just came out like a broken dam. Why do we release tears? Was it because our body lost control of the 'tearing organ' or whatever it was called? If it was, then it's most certain that I will never gain control of it ever again. Salty water poured out of my eyes, showering my cheeks. It wasn't tears anymore, because I was crying much more than droplets. I cried so hard, it hurt inside. My head felt like it was caving in. And my sobs racked my whole body, shaking myself in Leah's hold. It looked as if that the tables had turned. Here I was crying, sobbing louder than ever, falling apart. When did I suddenly become a shattered mirror? I didn't like the feeling of being helpless. It saddened me to think that this was what Leah was going through. The overbearing inability to do anything to fix and change your life or something important to you. It felt like the darkness was cracking the whip, ready to capture me. My head gave in. So did my body. So did my soul. Leah kept her strong hold on me, until it all blackened again.

_It was relentless, my inability to control my anxiety. Even in the darkness, it hurt._


	4. Chapter 3

**AN:** I am so sorry guys! I promised once every 7 days at least! But I am already a week late! And I promise it's for good reasons though! I had a family thing which sucked, and then I had to sort out government shit for like my university. Not to mention my accommodation shit. Like fuck its 2 hours away and they people made it so difficult, the fuckwits! Arghhh! Just so pissed. I am upset with myself though because I didn't keep up with the timetable! But I am back two weeks exactly! Yay... haha!

I promise this chapter is not intentionally long because I have uploaded late. I don't even know how the fuck I ended up getting it this long, I just kept writing! I wanted to stop to upload like in the middle, but I kept trying to tie the loose ends of the chapter which lead me to even more loose ends so I ended up writing way too much. The ending in my opinion is cute, but I kind of hate it a little sorry. Tell me what you think about it I would love to hear some feedback!

Even though I haven't been getting reviews (awwh sad face), I have been getting feedback in the form of some of you guys favouriting my story and following it! I am so grateful, it gives me a great pleasure to know that people are following with the story! It also adds motivation to keep you guys following too! I have been looking at traffic stats, and I am so happy to see them quite high! Maybe it's the popularity of this category but I am happy people are taking their time to read my story so thanks a lot guys!

I have a great idea for Chapter 4 and 5, so hopefully they will not take me two weeks oh my god haha! I hope you enjoy this chapter! Please review, that would be so kind! Love Harry xoxox

* * *

**CHAPTER 3**

It wasn't too long ago when I realised that my life often spiralled into treacherous depths way too quickly than it should. It was so uncontrollable, so wayward. It never had a direct path, as it certainly wanted to twist, turn, rise, and fall at every second. The person who said that you are in control of your own life should be shot. Or at least, maimed. How can people demand you take control of your life when you can't find the steering wheel? I was a fair believer in self-responsibility, but it seemed that even when the results were the consequences of something unintentional it was still you're own undoing. It saddened even more that, after ridiculously demanding for a break once in my life just before attempting to crash into Mike's, I still have not been given leeway in anything. The boys were being idiots, mumbling their apologies, getting everything wrong. Leah and Mom argued constantly, both blaming each other for my downpour of extreme despair. Even Jacob, my best friend, was being a complete jerk! _I DO NOT WANT TO BE TOLD A STORY ABOUT BELLA!_ To top it all off, I could not stop crying. I'd cry all day, and night until I felt asleep. I'd wake, and realise what shit I am currently in, and start crying again. I don't think Diet Coke has tasted so salty before. It was just so frustrating, because I tried my hardest to stop but I couldn't which would make me even more upset. It was all about being in control. The stupid phrase. That guy really should be shot. Nobody seemed to understand even when I shouted at them through my sobs that I was not in control.

_When did my favourite foods, drinks, games, favourite anything become the cure to my disease? Clearly their not! Idiots._

It felt so incontrollable at times, I'd just stop breathing and pass out. One thing was certain, I did not become invisible. I was often visited by the whole pack to see how I was doing. They would come and try to help me, and take care of me. Collin, Brady, Embry, and Jacob were on cuddling duty. They often had to get me new t-shirts to cry on too because I used way too many tissues. Everyone gave me food, even though I rarely ate it. And I was escorted everywhere to make sure I was fine. _Surely they'd realise that crying had become my new routine and leave me be._ I didn't know what to do most times, which would frustrate me even more as I was already unable to control my life. _It has just been a shit time._

It has gotten to a point where I'd sob for hours, and I'd forget why I was upset. It felt like I was crying because I was troubling everyone even more now than I was before the incident. It felt like my heart was being stabbed, knowing that my original intent was the exact opposite. It was crazy to me because it seemed that everyone somewhat knew or guessed what happened, and they obviously wanted to show that they were there for me. Did Jacob and Quil admit to their fault? I wouldn't be surprised if they did, Leah would of forced it out of them. Certainly, I could not shy away from the questions everyone would constantly ask me. I think I have coined the default answer of 'Nothing' or 'I don't know'. When did my opinion or what I thought matter so much? I felt like that chick from that really famous movie ages back. Did they fear what I said? Was the words coming out my mouth the be-all and end-all of everything? I didn't like it knowing that everyone was doing so much to help me even though the most often thing I asked for was peace and quiet…. and cuddles. But other than that I really had nothing to ask of them. So it confused me that I was bothering them so.

It was just so stupid too. It wasn't the fact that mostly everyone didn't understand me or my feelings, but my own self-hatred at the fact that for the past two days I have been nothing but a bitching, moaning, sobbing wreck and I haven't even muttered a little thank you to anyone. I couldn't help but hate on the boys or Leah and Mom because they were just doing even more to upset me. It was stupid of me to think that they would know what I want or need, but to my mind it seemed so simple. Just peace and quiet. _Was that so hard?_ I felt awful due to the fact that my attitude was much more worse now that it was before the incident. It made me feel so unworthy of everyone's attention. Sam has decided that I am completely off the rails, which I agree, so he has put me off patrols, and meetings, and anything else pack-related for that matter. It was the right thing to do because if I couldn't already put up with everyone now, imagine my impatience when I could hear and feel them search my head.

_Uhh why can't things just go back to the way it was._

I've woken up constantly during the night, reminiscing about the great times I had with Mom, Leah and Dad… We were so close back then, like as if nothing could tear us apart. Leah didn't know about the world's impurities, Mom couldn't be happier, Dad had a shine in his eyes, and I was filled to the brim with love. Dad wasn't a 'linking' part in this family. _That would be so cliché_. It was more, the fact that the balance of all our energies good and bad, became off-kilter and disproportionate. 'Oh the Clearwaters, they could sail through a monsoon and come out stronger than ever'. You could almost say that Dad was this extra layer, not really keeping us together, but making sure nothing hurt us. Now that he is gone, we have become so fragile and emotionally unstable. I used to remember seeing all the families that had broken apart and thinking that my own could never be capable of even cracking because we were so close. Oh I was wrong. Just way too many unexpected problems all at the same time, but inconveniently in the wrong situation.

_It had been almost 3 days since I last told Mom, Leah or even myself that Dad would of been so proud._

Wednesday. 8:51 am. Current status, broken. Current outlook on life, bleak. Sunday Bonfire was cancelled in lieu of my sudden disappearance. Funny how everyone but Jacob was actually looking for me. He must guessed that I needed some space, but didn't realise. So rather than feeling bad, and crying all about it again, I called Sam late last night to tell him we should throw a Thursday Bonfire. Stupid? I think not. People still have to wake up early if it was held on Sunday so what difference does it make if it was held tomorrow night? _And yet I questioned my ability to get straight A's, hah!_ So far, everyone has been on board. Or at least to my face anyway. It felt like as if people were coming only because of me. I didn't think too much about it but it hurt to feel that I had changed from a nurtured baby to a charity case. Leah came in a few minutes before to tell me she approved, and looked genuinely excited to go. I certainly hoped that everyone would have a good time because I most certainly wouldn't. The cookie dough, remember? I felt guilty because really I didn't plan on going, there was cookie dough that was much too delicious to leave in the fridge all alone. I didn't want people to miss out on any of the fun by constantly having to check on me so it was best I shouldn't go. At least they wouldn't miss out on this weeks reiteration of the riveting 'Legends of the Quileute Tribe'.

The clock started to buzz it's loud and irritating alarm at 9. It was quickly snoozed by me because I was already up, sitting against the headboard with a pillow on my lap. I had received a text earlier from Jake saying that he'd come over to try to drag me into doing something outside. He tried yesterday, but only found me sobbing. Today my inner musings decided to resolve themselves, and for the first time in 4 days I had woken up, thought about the shit wreck of a life I have, and surprisingly not break down into tears. Remember that restrained, beautiful moment I had the morning of the D-day? It was here again, softly placating my inner karma. Why can't people just stop their busy lives and just relish in the beauty of the sounds of their environment, and the smells they stumble upon? It may not be marvellous, but it's just so relaxing to stop and breathe without worrying about all the bad things in your life. Was this meditation? Probably. Moments like this, just had the ability to wash out the negative emotions inside me or anyone for that matter. We're so consumed with deadlines, finishing masterpieces, completing challenges that I think we forget to just embrace the beauty of life and the serene, exquisite complexity of it all. _That's why I like silence._ I am still Seth, the bubbly and bright, young Clearwater son. And I still choose to ignore the bad aspects of people, things, and life. Because why should anyone keep any toxicity inside? It's just ridiculous to do so. That is why I am so afraid of toxic air, of negativity. I like the silence, it gives me time to cleanse the shit out of my body.

_Fuck, you should write a book Seth._

A sense of Déjà Vu fills me as my sweet moment was yet again broken by an ogre of a boy. Jacob, without knocking, bursts into my room loudly and plants himself on my bed. My legs were scrunched up against my body this time so he didn't unintentionally injure me. _More like intentionally when it comes to these boys sometimes_. Jacob doesn't realise that I am up, to my dismay, and begins his usual routine of childishly trying to rouse me from sleep. His voice, an imitation of a child, begins "Wakey-wakey Seth!". He is about to continue until he turns and sees my expression, on top the of fact that I was already up and awake. He leans his elbow into the bed and rests his head on his hand. He is too tall to fully fit width-wise on my bed so he rests his knees on the floor. There is slight innocence in his face, but it immediate disappears when he catches glimpse of my own. Lines start to etch into his forehead, and a sense of worry falls on his demeanour. It's funny because Jacob, has this inability to question or help anyone when their sad. It's frustrating to watch him strive mentally to develop a way to start conversation. It is almost as if a huge sense of distraught-ness, and care falls on his shoulders and he becomes speechless. It, however, on this occasion was amusing. So amusing, my laughter draws in Leah from the other room. So amusing my legs give out and slide briskly into my bed accidentally kicking Jacob in the face. The whole situation was so funny, Leah starts to chuckle herself. Jacob, however doesn't see the hilarity, and grabs a quick hold on both his nose and my foot, with a look of anger on his face. "I am going to get you!" he shouts. It was at this point in time that I realised that I should of ran, potentially saving myself in the process. But, it seems that being a _Straight A_ studentwas a part-time arrangement only. Jacob pulls my leg, which lies me flat, and then gets up and jumps on me making a huge crashing sound as his weight falls on my bed, with me in-between. Leah chuckles again and walks off, blindly thinking I am in safe hands. I cry out in pain, but with a hint of amusement as well, understanding the reasoning behind my punishment. Jacob then proceeded to tickle me, which pushed my voice to an even higher pitch and volume. _Bordering a cackle I'd say._ I couldn't even get a word in, let alone a breath! I was laughing too hard, with my heart pounding in my ears and my lungs heaving out of breath! And it felt so good.

_So good that everything didn't matter for that short while._

"Do you admit to defeat!?". Yes. "Never!". I think I may or may not have Stockholm Syndrome. Jake continues his rounds of tickles, his large hands going up and down the sides of my torso occasionally pinching my the bridge between my neck and shoulder. My hands, unsurprisingly, were just flailing around pushing against Jacob's hard, muscled chest just doing nothing at all. My eyes were shut tight, as if trying to block out all of the involuntary jerks my body seemed to be throwing out. And my breathing became extremely raspy, and ragged. Jacob didn't let up until I started to cough for air where he stopped and laid down in bed next me. He was big, so he pretty much hogged the whole bed pushing me almost to the edge. The only sounds in the room at that moment was just my heaving. Something so little had put myself at ease, and I was grateful for it.

_Current status, still broken. Current outlook on life, better._

It was about a few minutes before Jacob spoke up again. "So, how do you feel about going into Port Angeles for a boys-*cough*-girls day out?"

"Like on a date?" Weirdly I felt a slight blush on my cheeks. Jake laughs however, with disheartens me a little.

"No silly!" Suddenly I feel stupid for saying that.

"Let me guess, with Bella?" Sadness started to creep into my heart a little. Sometimes I had half a mind to hit Jake in the head to make him realise that I am his best friend and I do not intend on spending my perfectly free day with a girl I don't particularly like.

"No no, actually…. maybe… worse?" Great.

"Jake…. tell me who, now."

"Well, Alice and Blondie." What.

"I thought you hated Rosalie." The only wolf she actually spoke to was me, partly because Emmett made her.

"Well, all this time spent at theirs sorta let us get along a little. Plus, Alice offered to cheer you up with new clothes and shit."

"I prefer cow poo, not your regular shit please." Jacob punched me for that.

"Just come please? It'll be nice, and we'll have food at that restaurant you talked about."

"Uhhh, okay. How are we getting there?" Jacob immediately looks back at me with a twinkle in his eye, and a smile that a child would have on Christmas Day. I already knew what he implied, and to be fair I didn't really feel in the mood to either drive or argue with him so I guess you can say I am the best friend ever.

"Fine, but on one condition! We get ice cream."

"Okay, ice cream it is then!"

Jake was out of my room within seconds. What an idiot. By the time I had left my room to shower, he was already at the front door eager to go with my keys in his hand. He finally had some sense knocked into him when Leah walked up to him and hit him in the side of the head, pointing towards me walking into the shower. "Oh" was all his said, and a guilty look appeared on his face. I couldn't help but chuckle at his antics. Please Jake, it wasn't anything special it's just a car. To annoy him, I decided to take my sweet time showering, drying myself, looking at myself in the mirror, choosing my outfit, comparing it with other outfits, selecting my outfit, looking at myself in the mirror again, making sure I look good, styling my hair, checking myself again in the mirror, etc. I guess taking 30 minutes was pushing it. Jacob looked like he was ready to jump someone by the time I got downstairs and into the living room. Once he got a slight glance at me, he was running out the door ready to go by which I was already laughing. _Laughing hard_!

_What a child!_

I said goodbye to Leah and sent Mom a text describing my plans for the day as she wasn't home _again_, then I left the house with my phone, keys and wallet. I seated myself comfortably in the passenger seat, and connected my iPod into the car. As I was selecting a song, I noticed that Jake hadn't moved and he was currently staring at me. "What?" I asked. "You look nice.". "I am only wearing a t-shirt, jeans, and slip-ons. How is this nice?". "Just, take my compliment.". "Fine, thanks. Can you go please?". Jake turned back in his seat, looking ready to go all excited to drive my car. It didn't take long before I realised he was looking hard at the steering wheel. He took the key, and looked for a slot. He looked in front of it, and behind, even under it. _Haha dummy._ I was intrigued that someone who was so excited to finally drive my car, did not know that the key stayed in his pocket. Not to mention the fact that he was a car enthusiast, or at least he said he was. _Maybe classics, haha loser._ I was struggling to keep my chuckles in me as he started to verbally sound his frustration. Once he heard my giggles, he looked at me seriously, pleading for help in his eyes. "Okay, okay." I grab the hand with the key in it, and take it out of his grasp, and place it in the centre bin. "Put your foot on the brake, and then press this button down here." I gesture towards the start button on the centre console. Jacob follows my instructions, and yet again that Christmas smile finds it way back on his face. _Cheeky bastard._ "Cool.." he whispers. "I hope you know how to drive because that's just the same as your car." Jacob stares back sarcastically, and I laugh again. He pulls out the drive, and sets off for Port Angeles Mall.

I felt so… odd, sitting in the passenger seat. It made me feel like I had become this inferior person in our relationship. But even more weirder, was the fact that I was feeling small butterflies in my stomach at the realisation that I had given a lot of trust to Jake to take me somewhere, and take my car. It felt like I was giving Jake access into my personal things, like those couples that use each others stuff after dating for a while. I felt so stupid for thinking such thoughts because really Jake's just my best friend. But it also confused me that this relationship we have, didn't really go beyond a good friendship. Images of driving to places, with us sitting in this position with my hand on his on the armrest start to pop-up in my mind. I start to blush at the thought, so I shake my head to rid myself of the image. I mean, were just best friends its normal to ask these sort of questions. Besides, Jacob and I aren't into each other like that anyway. We're both 16 which means we are old enough to realise if we had any feelings for each other. So if we did have any, I am sure we would of acted on it by now. _Uhhh Seth, you are so stupid and ignorant._

The drive to Port Angeles took us almost half an hour. Once we reached Port Angeles, the highway slowed down and split into the many streets of the seaside city. Jake turned off and followed the main street towards the large department mall on the other side of the Port Angeles. It was the biggest, and had the best selection of shops and restaurants. Alice had texted earlier that we'd meet up early for breakfast, considering it was only 10 in the morning. Of course, us two would be the only two eating and the two girls would just pretend to drink coffee, _as always._ Once we reached the mall, Jake asked me to call them while he found a parking bay. I picked up his phone and dialled for Rose as Jake drove around the car park. He thankfully found a parking bay near to the entrance, just as Rosalie picked up the phone.

"What, mutt. We're waiting for you and your boyfriend." It had occurred to me that Rose hadn't realised it was me, so the suggestion made me blush again. I could see Jake tense a little from the corner of my eye so I quickly replied.

"Uhh, Rose it's me. Jake's parking the car." A quick intake of air was heard over the phone, then a not so silent 'Shit!'.

"Sorry Seth! I was kidding! Where you guys at? We're at Panera." _Jake's favourite._

"We're just getting out now, we'll be there in 5." Jake eagerly exited the car, and walked on ahead to his favourite bakery with me tagging along behind.

"Okay! See you soon!" Rose quickly hung up the phone.

I was glad Jake was excited to go eat, because if he kept with me he would see the burning red blush all over my cheeks. I felt so embarrassed I started to rub my cheeks in attempt to remove my blush, but it only made it worse. I kept walking behind Jake, and then I start to take deep breaths in the hopes of removing the blood from my cheeks. It didn't help that Jake was walking fast. Just as we reached the cafe, I stopped right outside to take another deep breath, and stare at my reflection in the window. My heart dropped a little when I saw that I was still red as ever, just that now I couldn't feel it. _Oh this is going to be just peachy._ I decide that I couldn't do anything for it, and walk inside. I find the table where all my friends are seated at and take a seat next to Rose. I just knew that if I sat in front of her it would be a never ending river of sly remarks and cheeky jokes. _The bitch sometimes._ Jake then returned from ordering, seemingly knowing what I wanted without even asking me, and took a seat next to Alice right in front of me. The air was so awkward between all of us, and it had filled our throats so we all lost our ability to speak. It just became a awkward staring contest between us, and that wasn't helpful considering Alice would just stare back knowingly, Rose would look back smugly, and Jake would just make me blush again. The air thankfully was sucked out of us when the waitress came over with our order, which allowed Jake to dig right in.

"You are such a pig"

"Rose!" I couldn't help but giggle. It seemed like it the loudest noise in the room though because everyone looked at me, which made me blush even more.

"Yeah, well…"

"Awwh no comeback? Wow. I think I've won." Rose laughed, and put her hand on her chest in mock pose making Alice and I smile.

"Bitch." She laughed even more.

"Mutt."

The banter continued but it thankfully opened the door for more conversation. Alice and I caught up on news, friends and pretty much everything. It helped that Jake would include himself when he took the chance to lift his head out of his food. Rose was still struggling to sip on coffee, which Jake found hilarious. And it suddenly it wasn't awkward anymore. After breakfast however, things got really intense. _I did not know that girls spend this much time shopping!_ Nor did I ever think I needed a 'wardrobe reconstruction'. Jake was sadly not receiving the same treatment, because he was too busy laughing his head off to help. We went from store to store, looking at clearance aisles, trying on the 'bargains'. I actually found relief inside the change rooms because it would give me time to breathe! Not to mention separate me from Alice and Rose. They were also totally intent on paying for everything, which made me feel extremely bad. I felt like I was stealing from them, even though I didn't know that this was planned in the first place. They of course ignored my constant whining and whipped out the credit card faster than I could stop it. After a solid 2 hours of shopping I was beat. Jake and I had found comfort on a bench just outside a lingerie store the girls had gone inside.

"Thanks Jake. For doing this."

"Nahh it was nothing, I love spending my time with them." Sarcastic asshole. I hit him on the head for that.

"Oi, I meant it. I know you don't particularly enjoy their company or enjoy shopping but it means a lot to me that you did this. I feel much better. So, take my thanks you dipshit." Jake looked back at me, with a smile on his face. He didn't say anything because his eyes conveyed more than I could understand. He was my best friend, and at a time like this, I thought this day was perfect.

"You're welcome. For the record I enjoyed myself too, even with them."

"More like enjoy laughing at me."

"Haha, you put on this face its so funny like oh my god it's tragic."

"How would you like it if they did this to you!"

"Okay, okay calm down." No. Rose and Alice came out of the store just as he spoke. _Perfect._

"Hey girls? How about giving Jake a make-over? Sounds like fun right?!" They both share a look, and nod simultaneously.

"What?! No! I am fine!"

"Hey you said you were enjoying yourself, it's about time you got in on the action!"

"I am going to get you later." Jake stares at me with a deathly glare. I couldn't help but laugh.

Jake, unfortunately for him, got subjected to many colours and many types of clothes within minutes. Fortunately for me, his tolerance is much lower so I found it hilarious! My face? What about his! Haha he looked like a sad little puppy! It was so funny and cute! _Cute?_ Whatever! I The blushing wouldn't stop now that Jake would strip off clothing and try even more clothing. It seemed that Rose and Alice were just trying to play with me because after each item Jake would try on they would make him try an even tighter one! I still thought it was amusing nonetheless. After a short break, where as promised I got my ice cream, Rose and Alice made us shop for another 3 hours before the finally stopped looking at clothes and at us. We were worn, even as shape shifters it was insane. It was nearing 5pm when the girls had to leave. Rose had to feed before the sun when down and Alice was meeting Jasper for a picnic date they had organised. We said our goodbyes, and we planned to go out again in the future. Jacob then left me to make a reservation at the restaurant I had been talking about for ages, and then eagerly came back. The sight made me laugh because he looked like a penguin trying to run. Jake decided that we had to unwind, and chose a games arcade to do so. Most of the time I made him go on dance revolution because it was so funny to watch him dance. I think it had got to a point where Jake was just doing it because it made me happier, which in the end made me blush again. _Fucking hell._ The reservation he had made was at 6:30, and it was only 6:15 when we were finished at the arcade. Jake had left me again in front of Qeora, the restaurant I had been raving about for like a month, to put our bags in the car. I was glad he did because there were many, and my hands were getting super tired. Once he got back, it was 6:23, by which the head waiter told us it was fine to take our seats. Once seated, my eyeballs threatened to pop out of my eye sockets once I saw the menu. The food as expected sounded delicious, but the price as expected was beyond reason. Well, maybe in Jake's case because he's a slob. But Jake assured me it was fine surprisingly. I felt so underdressed, and so improper while Jake made himself comfortable easily. We ordered, and while we waited Jacob kept up the usual conversation we had. The new Call of Duty, school, girls, Jake's car and his mechanic stuff, new dance crazes, etc. The food, when it came shocked me to no end. It was bountiful, which surprised me, and the taste was exquisite. I was surely never going to forget this experience. It didn't surprise me that Jake dug in again. Ravished, would be the correct word to describe the state of his massive steak. It made laugh though, even when I looked at the other, more restrained diners quietly talking about him. We could hear every word of course, but it still was funny the way their posh demeanour dominated their talk. We had dessert, which again was to die for, and by the time Jake had paid i was more than satisfied. _Qeora? Check._

It was about 9 when we left the mall and entered my car. I was so full that I had to hold my belly as I got in. Jake however, constantly babbled on about how I should of ordered the steak because it was so good. _Steak? I can get that anywhere._ He kept going on and on, to the point where I bored me to sleep on the way home. I don't think he stopped talking though, because I am pretty sure when I woke up in the driveway he was still going on about how I have no ability to choose the right dish. _When will he ever learn?_ He took all the bags, and followed behind me. I unlocked the door and said a good evening to Leah and Mom, who was interestingly home. I told them I was tired, and walked straight up to my room. Jake had followed straight in and placed the bags on the floor. He then blushed when I changed into sleep clothes in front of him. "You've seen all of this, calm down dummy." He rubbed the back of his head in embarrassment probably from being caught, and briskly stood straight as if he wasn't affected at stood there while I changed and when I finished, he was looking at me expectantly.

"Are you going home or, you going to stand there all night?"

"I don't have a key."

"Billy?"

"He's at Charlie's" Ahh lovely… not, he'll just hog the bed.

"Uhhh, okay. You know where everything is, I am going to get ready for bed."

Jacob had been faster at getting ready for bed than me, even brushing his teeth quicker. I had took my time because I was so tired from the whole day. After washing my hair and face, I looked straight into the mirror. I wasn't really analysing anything in particular, but looking into my own reflection helped me think about myself. And for the first time since Summer began, I smiled so hard my cheeks hurt. I felt so euphoric, closing my eyes, stretching my neck upwards. Those butterflies just felt like they were kissing all over my skin. It was a serene sensation. _Oh the things you can feel in perfect peace._ I leave the bathroom, happily surprised that my day had turned around. All because of Jake. My most bestest friend ever! As I reentered my room, I found him half naked and in my bed. He had already made himself comfortable, taking extra pillows and stripping off. Ever since Bella came back he'd sleep just in his underwear. _Gross._ But I'd humour him this one time, because he was awesome. I turned off the light, and made my way into bed. It was Summer, so the blanket was pushed down covering only my legs. "Spoon?". "You still want to do that? Last time we did it was like when we were kids". "But you like to spoon, and now we are older and I have muscles to spoon you". "Oh my god you are going to kill me" I laugh. I'll probably push him off because he's too warm anyway so I turned on my side facing the door, indicating my approval. Jake slid down, and wrapped his big arm around my waist pulling me close. Some would say this was cute. I just think its the relationship we share. It seemed like it was easier to sleep now, with Jacob behind me. He was like, my guardian in the night. _Haha so cheesy._

_Current Status, leaky but patched. Current outlook, improved and secured._


	5. Chapter 4

**AN:** Hi everyone! I am back with the next instalment. I must remind you that this technically part of a bigger chapter, but due to extreme wait times for me to write it I have split off the two chapters. I am afraid that I will have to restructure the next chapter because of this however that is no biggie. Sorry for being I think 4 days late? I do apologise and this time around I have no excuse other than I have been really lazy. I promise I haven't hit writer's block, but I haven't put down the time to write. Sorry guys for keeping you waiting! Again I am happy to see the traffic stats high! Please if you can, write a review of this chapter or how the story is coming along - it doesn't have to be professional I don't mind, in fact the more informal the better! Please favourite and follow too if you really like this story and want to keep up with it!

This chapter really gets into what I had intended all along, and I really hope you like the new speed of interaction (I think that's what it is called haha I don't really know). I am planning on changing the genre from Romance and Friendship to Romance and Action or something (I don't know if there's action I'll check) now that I have planned it out properly. I might do that after I upload this.

Okay on to the story! Harry xox

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**CHAPTER 4**

I didn't think that a night filled with beautiful dreams, held in warmth on a rainy morning would be something I would revere. No feelings pushed away, no thought hidden. It was so right, just in the moment. I didn't think I'd relish the comfort I found in Jake. I wanted to ask myself, shout to the world, demand for an answer because truth be told I did not know what was happening to me. I was full of emotions that seemed to have surfaced from a hidden crevice in my brain, and inside my heart. I didn't know what to make of it because no matter how many times I tried to question the feeling I would become speechless, due to the fact that it felt so right. I didn't know what it was and it pissed me off. _I am not some puppy._ Was it Love? Friendship? Camaraderie? I didn't know. It felt like all of them, but maybe even more. An emotion that I could not describe. It was extraordinary. I was sat, in the same position as the morning before, up against the headboard but this time next to someone who I admire greatly and look up to, even more so now than ever. His arm, was wrapped tightly around my waist, and I tried hard to ignore the butterflies inside me threatening to bring back that red glow in my cheeks. _Why couldn't I just drown myself in the feeling of his touch, and his breath on the back of my neck? _There was no gut instinct, no guide, no instruction to tell me what to do. I couldn't just indulge myself in the tenderness, the affection. I always loved him. He was the older brother I never had. He was there, when no one else was. He always understood what I needed. But I don't know how I define the relationship my heart is telling me to have with him. My brain, is running again, like it did after the incident. What was this, feeling inside me? It hurt to speak, think, feel. But the ache felt so pleasant. It ebbed at my heart, skin, eyes, and brain. It covered my whole body from head to toe. It made me feel like I did when Dad would burst through the bedroom door and say "It's a good time to live!". It made me feel loved, cared, cherished. It was like there was a spirit, a soul tending to the wounds that nobody saw. It was there smiling, I could feel it. It was telling me, something I think I have already felt for a while now. But, on the contrary, I'm not disgusted or embarrassed. Dad always taught me that love is something you don't play with and once it inundates your entire life you chase it and never let go. So its time to start chasing, but what I didn't know. What did we have? Jacob and I. A relationship that had not been fulfilled, a childhood love that has never ended from the first day we met, or a chance to become so happy we'd never stop smiling, and maybe that wasn't even scratching the surface. It was so cliche I'd say, that my potential soul mate was right next me, snoring away like an idiot. _Haha_. So convenient. I didn't pay it no mind though because I believe that how things are set in the world are beautiful in their respective ways. If things are convenient why not admire that fact? Suddenly, the world just didn't seem so important and Jake mattered more. Jake mattered a lot. I certainly wasn't about to give him up and throw him out of my life any time soon.

Do you know those times where you just think about something that mattered, something that _really_ mattered, and it was so positive that it would radiate to your heart… and make you smile? I do. It was happening to me, and I didn't want it to stop.

* * *

Jake was the worst sleeper. As predicted the idiot hogged the whole bed. He'd spoon me, then let go and push me, then spoon me again as if he knew that I was going to fall off the bed, so he'd hold me at the very fucking edge. _Ahh so poetic and metaphorical, the tease._ So he didn't get breakfast because I didn't wake him. Or at least I didn't make him any, until Mom became a total traitor and made food for him and Leah. Leah didn't help either, totally slobbering her food excited at the extra company. I have a feeling that this is going to be a love-hate relationship. Jake had to leave early though, because Billy was stuck at Charlie's because Charlie had to head to work. Jacob did tell him he'd pick him up so he mentioned that he would be waiting on him. As he got up to leave, Leah gave me this look obviously hinting for me to follow, so I offered to tag along. I said my goodbyes to Mom and Leah hugging them and kissing them both on the cheek, and then I followed Jake out of the house picking up my coat with me. Jake thanked me for keeping him company, and I told him back that it wasn't a problem. I had forgotten that Jake had given his rust bucket of a truck to Bella, so he was riding in his small red thing. It was old, and certainly wasn't a driver's car, but it had a fresh coat of paint and was clean so it did have that 'showroom finish' that Jake would be so proud to show off. As I got in, Jake gave me a look as if to demand me not to judge. _Too late._ I did feel a little bad that I almost had a life of sub-luxury given to me, and others had to work or make do. I wanted to and always tried to help, but no one wouldn't accept any of my 'charity' as they liked to put it sometimes. I used to put it down as a pity and pride thing, in the 'they didn't need my help' sort of way. But I have now gone under the impression that they don't like accepting my help because they see me as a pup that should be taken care of. Same goes for Brady and Collin, but those little shits take their help for granted. The ride to Charlie's was silent, but in my brain it was as noisy as ever. So many questions kept roaming in my head and I couldn't give myself a break. I tried to avoid looking at Jake, as I knew the redness would just instantly appear. He seemed content with the silence too, not starting a conversation at all. I didn't have to look to guess that. As we pulled up on the Swan's driveway, Billy exited the house and turned around in his wheelchair to lock the house. He then leaned forward and tucked the key underneath a weatherboard next to the front door. Jacob then left me in the car to help his father. I decided out of respect it was best I move to the backseat so that Billy would be in the front. I helped fold and take the wheelchair off Jake as he lifted his father and set him into the front passenger seat. I placed the wheelchair in the boot, and quickly got in the back as there was still a drizzle of rain. I said a hello to Billy, and he did so in return. Billy and I never really shared a close relationship, as he used to see maybe even still thinks that Leah and I were the reason for Harry's death. It hurt to think that he thought that, but I never pushed it out of respect and Leah stopped arguing with him ages ago. Billy used to be my second Dad, however, so it was always nice to see him in any shape or form because it made me feel like Dad was here too looking out for me. I wouldn't say that he had 'filled the gap' as he foully turned against us for a while immediately after Dad's passing, but sometimes I preferred the idea that he was Dad and he was still here living. Again the much longer trip back to the Black's home was also silent until Jake helped ease the drive by turning on the radio. It brought a smile to my face because only one speaker worked, which in my opinion added to the charm to the car. Jake gave me that look again. We arrived and Jake helped his father into his house, while I waited outside on their front porch on his sofa swing. The light pitter patter of the rain soothed my anxious mood, as I had a slight feeling Jake would of said something to his father about his attitude towards me and that usually did not end well.

The swing creaked as Jacob shuffled out of the house and sat on it. I could hear him taking deeper breaths, probably trying to calm himself down. He would never let the fact that his father did not like me go. It was hard to say, but I told him that he's allowed to have his own opinion and told him that I didn't mind. It was like I was saying he didn't matter at all, which was totally wrong. There was the distinct impression amongst most of the elders that my presence around Jacob had influenced him to not become alpha, among other things so I guess his father easily supported his argument. It was just a shame that Jake felt so moved and distraught about the whole situation when he didn't have to. Placing a hand on his shoulder, I give him a smile as an indication to go somewhere else. "Let's head over to Sam's or something." I offer, making a small smile appear on his face. There was something so homely about Sam's anyway, and I was sure that we'd benefit from Emily's cooking.

Again the trip was silent, but in contrast Sam's was bustling with energy. It could be felt from the car, and for an odd reason pretty much everyone was here. All their cars and trucks, lined up messily on the driveway that was more a flat piece of grass and dirt. _Oh this is going to be bad._ I ignored my gut feeling, but it was certainly odd that everyone but Jake and I to be gathered at Sam's without us knowing. Maybe there were gathered early for the Bonfire tonight. As I got out of the car my gut instinct was really sending out warning signals, and each step towards the front door felt heavier and heavier. It had gotten to a point where my curiosity had disappeared like as a safety switch, but the fact that my pack was in there made me continue on and as I got closer I got more and more worried. I felt my senses spike because the porch creaked under our weight as the noise sounded much louder than it normally would. I started to put it aside as my mind just playing tricks on me because Jake must of not of felt the same thing as he rambunctiously entered the house like it was his own. The open doorway from where I stood did not let me see the living room where I knew the pack was gathered. I could feel them, with all the negative energy bustling through the house, pouring out of the doorway. _What happens after that door, will end you Seth_. I ignored my gut feeling and kept going even though my feet felt extremely heavy, obviously trying to stop me from walking inside. I didn't think I was prepared for what I was about to see, because I didn't think it would ever see it happen. The pack seemed to have not noticed Jake's arrival, but the minute I passed the threshold of the small family home, all eyes were on me. I was shocked into place, unable to move any further. All their glares like vines holding me where I stood. The whole pack was there, except Leah and two young pups. _Where's Collin and Brady?_ Everyone looked as if they had heard the most disgusting story ever, anger consuming their bodies. I had feared that maybe their was another Vampire problem, but I hoped and prayed that it wasn't.

_And fuck was I too lucky._

After almost seconds standing in the doorway, my gut was telling me to run. There was a distinct hatred amongst the pack, with deathly glares thrown towards me. Most were filled with anger, with a deep vendetta. Others disgust. It was only then Jake noticed what his pack was looking at… Me. Dread fills my heart, as my brain runs through a million explanations as to why they would be upset with me. I didn't know how I knew they were upset with me, it was just a instinctual thing. The wolf inside me was whining, worried that I would potentially become hurt. It was certainly scared of its own pack, and I couldn't calm it down myself. My breathing started to become laboured and my heart rate picked up, as Sam walked forward towards me stopping between the pack and me. No remorse, no guilt, no pity, or even empathy in his eyes as Sam stood tall in front of me, looking down at me. I opened my mouth to say something, but nothing could come out. I was stone cold speechless, and I certainly felt the need to kneel before my alpha. Jake was still looking around at the others, confused, but he walked back and stood near me out of worry. I was sure he was thinking the same thing as I was, but we certainly didn't want to voice it. _What on earth is wrong with them?_ Did I do something? I felt a certain sense of guilt. It hurt, because what ever I did hurt the whole pack.

Sam however, looks like he was ready to deal a prison sentence. Of which he did.

"Seth, I will be lenient against your crimes." Sam's powerful voice fills the room. Other pack members snarl, and spit in disgust. "Silence! It is time we as a pack, consider your's, Brady's, and Collin's crimes for endangering and damaging this pack." _Crimes? Damage?_

"What?! What did they do?" Jake steps in front of me obviously to protect me from Sam. Suddenly I stared to pray that this was a bad dream.

"As submissives, you will have no rights or even a rank amongst this pack. You take orders now from all of us." Fear starts to burn hotly throughout my whole body.

"You have been allowed 1 day from noon, to say any goodbyes to your family, as you'll be punished for a week for your insolence and your stained bloodline. You are hereby not allowed to mate, and should you do so, the pack has the right to execute you and your offspring for your insurgency. I hereby declare this claim true and final. Seth…" He pauses, taking a deep breath "leave, I forbid you from entering my house. Please see to it that you reiterate this notice to the other two." Sam spits out, like as if he was talking to the most disgusting, disrespectful person on the the plant.

Jake and I were too shocked to even form a single word. My brain was almost idle, not even sure what or how to make of the new information. The air, my body, Jake, everything was so still and I don't think I could of felt any more helpless in my life. All I could hear was the pitter patter of the drizzle, and Emily's sobs in the background. My eyes could not break the glare Sam was currently giving me, and it took Jake picking me up to break it. We quickly rushed into Jake's car, and sped off away from Sam's. That mirror, my mirror, was cracking again. I was too shocked to even speak, and tears kept running fast onto my t-shirt. So many questions kept running through my head along with my confusion, anger, and sadness. Why did he say those things, and do those things? What am I? How did I become as such? Is there another way? I couldn't form coherent answers, and Jake was no help either. He was jabbering words, mumbling his confused thoughts. Ultimately, I understood that there was no option other then to follow Sam's orders or I could risk my life, not to mention the lives of Brady and Collin.

One thing was certain, I wasn't going to bow down and beg for forgiveness. Because if I was born this way, then I will come as I am whether they like it or not.

_Current status, fucked._


	6. Chapter 5

**AN:** Hey guys! Again I apologise for being late a few days, I have been too busy partying day and night at uni - and it has had it's toll. Thankfully I came back home for the weekend and I got down and finished this up for you guys! Let me know what you think of it, because this chapter is so important to me because it has a bit of personal anecdotal experience I think it's called? Haha! Please read and review! Enjoy! xox

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**CHAPTER 5**

I don't think I had seen two boys hold onto each other for dear life harder than Collin and Brady did. They didn't take the news as well as I did, and were currently crumbled all over my bedroom floor in each others arms. Jake just sat at my desk not knowing what to do and Leah leant against the back of the closed door sobbing quietly. There was a precedent sense of helplessness in the air and ever since I got home I had been speechless, the image of Sam's deathly glare on the forefront of my mind. I knew that it couldn't be helped, and I knew that we were going to be punished unjustly somehow. I hadn't strained my brain, trying to find answers, trying to remember anything significant, because what we did or what happened to us was something we had no knowledge of. It felt like we had been cornered for something irrelevant, like when bullies would belittle someone at school for being different. I felt a slight anger towards Brady and Collin, for apologising for their actions and begging for forgiveness even though none of the oppositional party were here. I couldn't help it because the rest of us Jake, Leah, and I, all knew that we did nothing wrong at all. What ever the explanation, the justification, it was all wrong. I was determined it seemed, and so was Jake. I wanted to prove my pack, my family that what they saw or read or whatever was wrong. I knew it was wrong, that's why I wasn't so upset. Maybe that's why the other two were on the floor crying their eyes out and I wasn't. Even though I still felt cornered, I had experienced loss of family before and that was much worse than this. Especially since they were douchebags most of the time. I think I was so determined because I wanted to show them that their close-minded theories had to be changed, that what they had come up with was clearly flawed. _What ever happened to the term, 'Blood is thicker than water'?_ I wasn't going to spend any more time being upset, because every second I spent now was used to prove them wrong. Their my family, and they shouldn't of turned on us like that. Something is up, and I am going to get to the bottom of this.

* * *

It had only been five hours, but the rain had stared to pour even harder. Jake was relegated to patrol, but before he left he told us the pack was celebrating at _my bonfire_ in the safety of Sam's house. Obviously with three names cut from the list. It sickened me a little to know that my pack had moved on so quickly and were in joyous ceremony due to my own idea. Mom and Leah stayed home in support however, with Mom trying to cheer up Brady and Collin with food and comforting hugs and pats on the back. They had brought most of their belongings here, keeping us closer and safer. They had stopped crying almost accepting their fate, whatever that was. I still hadn't said anything, and neither had Leah. She looked to be deep in thought but I didn't feel the need to question her. I was more worried about the two heaps of sadness in front of me.

I had met Collin in 8th grade. Collin was a such a punk back then, bullying everyone, making snarky remarks at the teachers, never doing his homework. He was so bold and cocky, not afraid to stand up for his own morals of which at the time weren't as restrained as they were today. We had officially met when I had been assigned to do an English project with him, and I knew that while I may of not of been able to put up with his attitude at school I knew that at his house he'd behave like the good little boy he actually was because the Littleseas were a family of respect and dignity. It was always funny to see the contrast between the Collin at home and the Collin at school. He used to threaten me not to tell anyone, and for a while I did feel a little frightened because like I said, he was a punk. But once we hit freshman year I couldn't help but tease him about it. He, however, being the cocky arsehole he was never really got upset though, and he took a liking to my endearment which meant we became good friends. Brady, however, was a completely different story. He was so shy, and he was too scared to even utter a word even if he was confronted by someone, even if it was just a 'How was your day?'. Both Collin and I had met him in freshman year, and it was during our first class of compulsory drama that we noticed how frightened he got when he had to introduce himself in front of the whole class. His arms where shaking, and he was sweating beyond normal. He kept looking down, and he closed his mouth a second after he opened it. Declan Thoroby had shouted out "Loser", and he had ran away from class and went home. Many kids laughed at his timidness, but we didn't. Collin used to make fun of my mother hen attitude, but it I knew he felt it too. Declan got a rough beating after school that day, and was forced to apologise to Brady the next day. I knew the Fullers, and I knew that they had came back from living in New York after they had an altercation with another family over there because of something Brady was accused of. That was why he was so afraid of others. They were originally Quileute, but Mark, Brady's dad, had found the love of his life, Leanna, and they moved to New York to fulfil their careers. I had never met their youngest son until that day, but I knew of Benjamin and Blake, Brady's older brothers. Ben had moved to Germany to work for a large fancy automobile firm, and Blake stayed in New York to study at NYU. I used to have a massive admiration for Blake, and I still think he was the reason I questioned my sexuality from time to time until now. Amongst the friends that Collin and I had, we knew that we had to take him in. Collin's name still meant a lot at that time, which I still teased him for, but he was certainly happy to help. Collin had issues with introducing himself softly however, as the same day Declan apologised he brashly crashed into the locker next to Brady's to say hi for the first time. I couldn't stop laughing at the utter shock on his face, but I reeled in Collin's behaviour and introduced myself gently. He was still speechless, but I smiled and told him that we all had the same classes and that I would sit next to him in all of them. He just nodded and looked to the floor, thinking that we were probably going to bully him. But we didn't, and after almost of week of including him in conversation at lunch, inviting him over to each other's house, and so on, he finally spoke up. Collin was telling us a extremely hilarious joke, and everyone was already laughing before he got to the punchline. Once he finally did, pretty much everyone at the table doubled over, but over everyone's exaggerated laughter I heard a small chuckle come out of Brady's mouth. Collin and I had stopped laughing entirely. I had to smile because he had finally felt comfortable to utter a sound, which I found as progress. He then proceeded to look at Collin then at me, and stared into my eyes with a smile which I returned. He then whispered "Thank you" loud enough for only Collin and I to hear. I then looked Collin dead in the eyes, and we knew from then on Brady was very special and we'd protect him from everything and anything bad. Of course due to our natural charm, it didn't take long for Brady to open up and nearing the end of freshman year he had kept up regular conversation and spoke to people he didn't knew with ease. He even took Lara Bingsley, the hottest girl in freshman year, to prom and I felt so proud of him. I remember Collin used to make the joke, "Look at our little boy, he's grown up so much!", to which I would punch him because I would never of had a child with Collin…. at the time anyway haha! God he was insufferable.

Of course we became even closer after all this shapeshifting happened, and suddenly we were the star trio of our year. Jake was still my childhood best friend but he was in the year above and even though we shared quite a bit that we didn't share with anyone else, I also shared a lot with these two that I would also not share with anyone else. These two were the best friends that I would never let go, like Jake, because they were so important to me but I was also important to them too. So it hurt me a lot to see even Collin cry, especially like he did earlier. It was tough because he was always the strongest out of all of us protecting us from shitty dick heads in school. But I knew that we couldn't do anything about the pack's ridiculous opinions. It was clear that whatever the issue, we all three would lose out from this reality. Suddenly, it felt like I start would give up and start begging myself.

_Dad would be so ashamed._

The thought pushes me onto my feet. Everyone looks up at me expectantly, and I felt like I was running into the battle with no armour. I didn't know what to do, I didn't know what I am going to put my best friends through, and I certainly didn't even know how we were going to solve this. What I did realise though was that our time here had finished, and we had to go… out of La Push. _Ahhh dramatic expression again?_ As the idea popped into my mind, the weight of one million and one horses poured on my shoulders. The risk was too great, and the question was where would we go? I knew that we had to leave now so it was obvious we'd make it up as we went. The pack would be happily partying away and then tiredly going to sleep, and hopefully they wouldn't notice us leaving. I looked at everyone with renewed hope, hoping they felt my positivity in my gaze.

"What?" Leah asked worriedly.

"I know what we have to do."

"What is it?"

"We… We need to leave. Now." Everyone took a deep breath, as if to deal with the idea.

"Seth-"

"No Leah, we need to leave now to protect ourselves. I know that this is cowardly, but I myself and I am sure both Collin and Brady can't ask you and Jake to fight for us. We need to leave and sort this out from afar." It was at this point everyone started to sob again, a few tears coming out of my own eyes too. It wasn't the fact that we were going, it was more what we were leaving behind or more why we have to leave that upset us. Collin got the message quickly and took his and Brady's unpacked bags straight downstairs, taking my keys with him. Leah suddenly started running around collecting all the things the three of us would need, calling in Mom for help too. Suddenly the house became extremely busy, with Brady making phone calls and Collin running to each of their houses to grab what they needed from there as well. I was rushing myself to get all the things I needed too, but most importantly photos of me and my family, friends, and Jake.

_Jake._

The picture was taken when I just started middle school. It was a big milestone in my life because I had been so frightened I had cried in Jake's lap so many times before school had opened. It was end of the first day when the photo was taken, and I was holding onto Jake tightly smiling with tears in my eyes because really it was a complete breeze and I didn't knew how easy it was. Jake helped of course, and so did Collin. But it was special to me because it really cemented the fact that Jake would always be there for me, because he was there everyday to make sure I was fine until I made my own way into school comfortably. Gosh, things were so much easier then. What I would give to have that moment back. I would surely relive it over and over again without a worry in the world, and it still would feel as amazing as the first time. I knew that I would have to leave Jake ultimately, which made me feel really, really awful. It was like a darkness had clouded over the three of us and wouldn't let the golden rays through. I could feel myself slowly breaking even more if that were possible, from shards to little grainy pieces of glass with no mirror in sight. I had a reluctant idea to leave without saying goodbye, because I knew that I couldn't face the shock and sadness in his eyes. But I knew that would hurt more than saying goodbye at least with the promise of coming back. I continue packing again, but slowly this time because I knew he'd finish in about ten minutes and he'd come straight here. The thought of leaving him, however, kept the tears flowing and I knew that if I stopped even for a second I would never get back up again. I tried my best to hold it in, controlling the urge to break. It felt like I was overflowing with sadness, ready to burst. I was losing my only chance to live a love that I will never experience ever again in my life, a love that would only happen once in a lifetime. It felt like my world would be nothing without Jake, it felt like it was pointless. And what was worse, was that he wouldn't even know. He wouldn't even know that for almost all my life I had been madly, and uncontrollably in love with him. He wouldn't know that he would be my one and only. He would move on, without me because I can't ask someone to wait. It's too much of a risk, too much of a burden to make a man wait to love you deeply, madly, irrevocably. I'd tell him though. He had to know.

_Jake I am irrefutably and uncontrollably in love with you and I will never stop loving you…_

"Seth?" _Jake…_

"Seth are you in here?" My bedroom door opens, and Jake walks in with wet hair. I couldn't face him, not now.

"Leah told me what you guys were planning to do, I-I don't want you to go…. but I can't let my feelings put you in danger, or the others." Just say it.

"I-I… Seth, I don't want to lose you. You mean so much to me, and you must promise that you will never forget me. You must call me always…. even if you have nothing to talk about. I can't live without hearing your voice." Please, say it.

"Seth… there are so many things I want to say, but we have no time." I didn't say it. He just hugged me tightly, breathing me in, then quickly picked up my bags and took them to my car.

"I love you…"

How I wasn't crying like I did the days before confounded me. I think I was a centimetre from my limit. The sensation reminded me of the last moments of the Titanic, where it was on its last legs. I couldn't think straight enough to realise that I was now standing in a dark, bare room that used to be where held so many memories. It felt like I was closing a part of me, that had to be closed off. It felt like I was segregating so many moments and experiences, almost as if they didn't matter any more. I had left it clean, and shut the door to it, the resounding click of the door sealing me from the room that was so important to me. But it wasn't just the room too. I couldn't stop seeing nothing but memories pass by my eyes as I walked down the stairs and into the different rooms of my house. It was holding me back like a net, not letting me go. I knew that the minute I pass the threshold of this house I am breaking a tie that means a lot to me. I won't forget, I promised myself. But I had to leave, and therefore cut myself from this place. Because I knew that the minute I think about this place, I will inadvertently cry. By the time I reached the foyer, Brady and Collin were standing waiting for me with tears pouring down their eyes as well. They had made their goodbyes, and now it was time I made mine. I told them to wait in the car, and I went outside to the front porch where the three most important people in my life were waiting. All of them were crying hard, but I shushed them and told them I'd be back even though I wouldn't be sure when I would be.

"Mom, I love you so much. Dad would be so proud." She sobbed even harder as I pulled her in tightly, rubbing her back. It felt like I was leaving them, after all that had happened, and that wasn't easy to deal with. I hated the fact that it was like they both had lost another family member, and I tried to reiterate the fact that I was still with them, living and missing them, by telling them to call me whenever they wanted.

"Leah, don't fight with Mom while I am gone!" I chuckled through sobs. "I won't. Come here squirt, God I love you so much." I hugged Leah tightly as well, and it was a while before we pulled away because something awful made me feel like it would be our last hug. My heart felt like a white hot dagger had dragged its way across it, leaving it to bleed. Leah was my best friend, and the best sister anyone could have. I would move the world for her if I had to.

When I got to Jake, however, I couldn't control my crying anymore. I was full blown weeping into Jake's arms, holding on as tight as I could. I cried, praying in my head that I could at least bring him along. The reality of it all made my head hurt, my face go redder than ever, and my throat dry. Once we pulled away from our embrace, I held Jake's beautiful face in my right hand looking straight into his eyes. Our gaze shared all the words we couldn't say, all the feelings we felt, all the things to come.

_Say it._

"I-I.." Why was this so hard… "I-I…. I love you… Jake." His eyes glistened with so many, too many emotions.

"I….. love you too, Seth."

Jake quickly took me into a tight hug again, shaking me from side to side out of anger, sadness, love. I could feel his tears dropping onto my t-shirt, soaking the top of my left shoulder. I was sure mine were doing the same to his chest too. After what seemed like only a few seconds, but was actually a few minutes, we let go of each other keeping our eyes on each other's. It felt like I was tearing my heart apart, maybe even ripping it out and leaving it here with him.

I was first to pull away, and turn around. I got into my car, and turned on the engine. It roared to life, with one last wave to my family and my eternal love I realised that it was time to go. It was dark now, nearing almost 7 at night. Mom had cooked us dinner, and left it in a bag for us in the back seat to eat as we go. I pulled out of the driveway, and turned towards the road and drove off. I still couldn't stop seeing the many memories I made as I kept going along through La Push. All of us were crying, but I knew we had to reign it in because now we were leaving. We had to be at our best, or not we would fail. I kept going until I hit the highway. It was empty, so I had taken it at speed to get as far as possible as quickly as possible. The car reassuringly kept up with my demands, efficiently maintaining my speeding. I knew it wasn't the time for reckless driving, so I kept it serious at 95. But then we saw something that shocked all of us to our hearts.

_You're now leaving La Push, Come back soon!_

There were no words.


End file.
